Honest Talk Here Guys...

[♠ Kuroya]

I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this. I really was. I was thinking that when I got free time again, I'd not need to do this. It's not fair to you guys, it's especially not fair to the other staff, and I can't justify the unfairness of it. Not really. No. Which is why I'm going to leave all of my apologies here and give you all what explanation I can because it's the only thing I can do to try to fix that unfairness.

I am taking an indefinite hiatus from KoC.

I have been stressed out and tired and struggling with the site for a while now. For at least the past month, I've been struggling with motivation and muse to post anything when I have had the time after all my classes and homework and real life issues have been settled. Thinking about doing work makes me stressed out and anxious, and it's been all I could do to motivate myself just to do what little I had been doing - something that would take me days to work up the motivation for. Which it wasn't motivation by "hey look I want to do this let's go" motivation. It was "the guilt I feel by letting this sit for any longer outweighs my inability to do anything even remotely productive" motivation. And every time it reached that point, it would take me longer and more energy to motivate myself to get to that point again.

To be entirely honest, I just have no muse left for anything here right now. It probably will come back maybe I don't even know. But all I know is that if I keep forcing myself like I have been, I'm going to end up not just burning out but crashing and burning in a nice sea of flames that will be visible from space. So I'm going to do what I've found works for me - I'm going to take several steps back, breathe, put myself in a position where I feel less pressured, and let the motivation and muse come back naturally.

I might come back every now and then to post. But it will not be constant or even remotely predictable. It may only happen once in a blue moon until I can get back to where I was. But I'm not going to make any promises that I can't keep.

So yes. This will affect my mod account, Dorian, Rima, Vaigali, Layle, Ceresi, Scorpius, and Nimue.

[nazt]

It's fine to take a break to think things through for a while and wait before making a hasty decision. But what would be really unfair is Dorian. An indefinite hiatus...and happening once in a blue moon just isn't fair for a site whose story is centred on a group of knights and their very leader. Maybe not now, but please make a realistic decision on that. If you don't have an interest, drop. This is something anyone would say to any rper holding a canon spot whether you're staff or not.

I know it happened to me. No one told me but I felt guilty about not doing anything with my canon char, so I dropped and that's it. I also dropped off a plot and a site I kept promising with someone because I just couldn't commit. It happens.

I also dropped a char who was one of the centre canons in a site for over a year. Though that was because I was pissed as hell... It's a funny, embarrassing story now that I think about it. Right Katya I forgot that had something to do with you.

[ceres]

Take your time Kuro, hope to see you again and soon and don't press yourself to come back until you have the time and the want. It's no good if you're here to just go through the motions.